Culture

Flip Side: Handicapping the Veepstakes

Who will Romney pick as his running mate? Best bets are between some boring white guy, a convicted felon, Superman, or Lassie.

Steve Clifford

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Steve Clifford • Feb 5, 2025

Feb 6, 2018

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                <h1>Flip Side: Handicapping the Veepstakes</h1>
                <h2><p>Who will Romney pick as his running mate? Best bets are between some boring white guy, a convicted felon, Superman, or Lassie.</p></h2>
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               <p>By <a href="/author/s-clifford-comcast-net/">Steve Clifford</a></p> 
              <p><time datetime="2025-02-04T05:00:00-08:00">Feb 6, 2018</time></p>
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            <p>Who will Romney pick as his running mate? Best bets are between some boring white guy, a convicted felon, Superman, or Lassie.</p><p><strong>Who will Romney chose as his running mate? </strong>Will he try to reassure his base or attract independents? Can he satisfy both the Tea Party and the literate? Will he chance an unknown as McCain did? Here is the scoop from <em>Flip Side'</em>s veteran bureau:</p><p><strong>TIM PAWLENTY, </strong>former Minnesota governor  (5-to-2 odds)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Boring white guy.</li><li>Could help with the boring white guy vote.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives:</strong></p><ul><li>Boring white guy</li><li>Excluding some Democratic senators, Romney already has the entire boring white guy vote locked up.</li></ul><p><strong>CHRIS CHRISTIE</strong>, governor of New Jersey (3 to 1)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Could appeal to both swing voters and reassure the base.</li><li>Passes Tea Party’s Three Litmus Tests: belligerent, bullying, and bellicose.</li><li>Never been indicted.</li><li>Double Fathead Ticket often victorious: Nixon-Agnew, Carter-Mondale, Bush-Cheney.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives:</strong></p><ul><li>Cannot fit into Air Force 2.</li></ul><p><strong>SUPERMAN</strong>, Superhero and Man of Steel  (4 to 1)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Popular crime fighter.</li><li>Faster than a speeding bullet.</li><li>More powerful than a locomotive.</li><li>Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives:</strong></p><ul><li>Birthers allege he was born on the planet Krypton.</li><li>Real name is Kal-El. Sounds like a rap artist.</li><li>Spandex dress. Is he gay? A gay rap artist?</li></ul><p><strong>MARCO RUBIO</strong>, senator from Florida  (5 to 1)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Could undermine Obama’s Hispanic vote.</li><li>Young and charismatic.</li><li>Popular senator from a critical battleground state.</li><li>Tea party favorite.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives: </strong>Vetting <em>could</em> reveal that Rubio:</p><ul><li>Does not floss and hangs toilet paper back to the wall.</li><li>Thinks Malaysia is a chain of noodle restaurants.</li><li>Dated Paula Jones and Monica Lewinski.</li><li>Charges that Iran’s possession of OMGs threatens US security.</li></ul><p><strong>ROD BLAGOJEVICH</strong>, former Illinois governor (7 to 1)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Could erode Obama’s support among Serbian narcissists, unemployed extortionists, and disgraced reality TV has-beens.</li><li>Dream ticket for hair.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives:</strong><br></p><ul><li>Not eligible for supervised release until 2024.</li></ul><p><strong>LASSIE</strong>, Wonder Dog (12 to 1)</p><p><strong>Positives:</strong></p><ul><li>Highest name recognition and approval rating in the filed.</li><li>Iconic symbol of Republican values: loyal, dependable, responsible, and family oriented.</li></ul><p><strong>Negatives:</strong></p><ul><li>Too intellectual for the base.</li><li>Compensation is an issue. Her agent demands double time after 35 hours a week.</li></ul><p><br><em><strong>FREE DOWNLOAD: </strong>As a reward for having finished this blog, you can receive a free download of my new book, </em>Fools and Knaves<em>. This political satire  in political humor ranked #8 on Amazon in its first week. Go to the website, <a href="http://foolsandknaves.com/?ref=avalancheghost.one">foolsandknaves.com</a>. On the lower left you will see a notice to Crosscut readers. Enter your email address in the box, and you will receive a free download.</em><br><br></p>
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Flip Side: Handicapping the Veepstakes

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By Steve Clifford