Some things just didn't work out so well.
What did Bernie Madoff do with that $55 billion? Flip Side assigned its crack investigative reporting team to answer this question. The results are just in:
Bernard Madoff : Sources of Funds, 1992-2008
Chumps: $5,637,000,000. Shmedriks: $14,080,000,000. Dupes: $4,363,000,000. Shlemiels: $7,375,000,000. Goyim: $23,545,000. Total: $55,000,000,000.
Bernard Madoff: Uses of Funds, 1992-2008
New York Yankees baseball cap, $17.95
Loss on co-investment with Paul Allen in Charter Communications, $325,000,000
Book: Ponzi's Scheme: The True Story of a Financial Legend, $14.95
Ingrates who wanted money back: $4,325,000,000
NPR Spring Pledge Drive: $50
East Side Co-op: $4,000,000
Pilates classes: $1,325
Payment to Dr. Bomo Ngoro, Auditor General of Burkina: $18,766,000
Six Sigma Consulting: $919,459.15
Property in Antibes: $900,000
Loss on co-investment with Paul Allen in Portland Rose Garden: $55,000,000
Summer home in Hamptons: $1,580,000
Things that cost a lot of money: $3,695,000,000
Things that cost a whole lot of money: $9,423,000,000
Loss on co-investment with Paul Allen in Radar Networks: $35,780,000
NPR Feast of the Ascension Pledge Drive: $50
Purchase of Papal Indulgences: $2,936,890,000
Food (excluding Vitello Tonnato): $77,736.89
Vitello Tonnato: $77,736.89
Motivational speakers: Barry Bonds ($75,000), Jeff Skilling ($125,000), Charles Manson ($250,000)
Tchatchkes: $6,000,000,000
Psychiatric counseling: $200
NPR Ramadan Pledge Drive: $50
Investment advice: Richard Fuld, CEO Lehman Brothers ($13,986,000), James Cyane, CEO Bear Stearns ($59,689,000), Charles Manson ($5,359,000), Paul Allen ($6.45)
Things that seemed like a good idea at the time: $7,246,000,000
Yacht: $7,000,000
Book: Moral Clarity: A Guide for Grown-Up Idealists, by Susan Neiman: $27
Gratuities. Doormen ($27.50). Waiters ($140.67), SEC Investigators ($1,577,406,000)
Loss on co-investment with Paul Allen in Metricom Inc.: $19,686,000
Bad Ideas. Meshuge ideas ($6,939,000,000). Narish ideas ($2,362,000,000). Lecherlech ideas ($6,892,000,000)
Loss co-investments with Paul Allen in Internap, Viewpoint Corp., Allegiance Telecom, Zany Brainy, and Mercata: $1,865,000,000
NPR National Eating Disorders Awareness Week Pledge Drive: $50
Wouldn't you like to know? (Redacted figure)
Remaining assets to be distributed to plaintiff lawyers: $1,701,479,589
Remaining assets to be distributed to plaintiffs: $6,891
Total: $55,000,000,000 (give or take).
